Updated: Apr 22
Pay attention, ladies. This guide will ensure you are relegated to the halls of Side-Bitchdom.
Everyone has heard by now about rapper Da Baby and artist DaniLeigh's highly publicized argument that resulted in the rapper calling the police on his lady friend, whom he not-so-politely asked to leave with their 3-month old child. To boot, he broadcasted the entire situation live on social media. The young lady was later charged with assault, but not before posting her own explanation and appeal to the public... I guess.
No disrespect to the young lady; I don't even know her. And of course it is always easy to armchair quarterback on Sundays. But while some things are better left unsaid, sometimes - ya gotta call out crap when you see it.
So having said that, let's get into these tips.
Tip #1 - Find yourself in a "relationship" with a dude of questionable character.
Definitely air quotes on the word "relationship".
Now - not knowing Da Baby personally, I can only say what appears to put the question mark over this gentleman's character. Let's start with the fact that he was recently in hot water for a homophobic tirade. At the very least, it was not very nice.
Furthermore, Da Baby (which ...what even is that name about?) has two children with other young ladies, which by itself does not make his character questionable, however, he DID allegedly end someone's life, according to various entertainment outlets. This also does not necessarily put his character in question...but as life partner potential goes, I would be questioning errrything about this and anything else.
But then, as a rebuke of sorts for Da Baby putting her out and calling the cops, this chick put out a statement on social media explaining how it got to that point. In her own words, she speculates that the reason he is putting her out may have something to do with him wanting to "f*ck his baby mother and Charlotte hoes." So - I am guessing these character traits did not all of a sudden show up in the time it took to "relate" and conceive a whole ass child.
But if I want to play myself, I guess I would overlook all of this and enter a "relationship" with a dude that necessitates us cohabitating. Additionally, I would enter this relationship relatively fast and commit. Really commit.
Tip #2 - Have a baby with said dude-of-questionable-character, who already has a baby's mama... or two.
Since I am committed already, if I really want to play myself, I am going to use no protection with this dude, who calls himself Da Baby. I am going to show how committed I am by not only allowing him to *ahem* ejaculate inside of me; I am also going to not take any sort of birth control so that I am always tied to him, once I have Da Baby's baby. Then I am going to announce to the world that we have been using no protection up to this point, which is why we need the Plan B! Oh well - what's one more baby and one more baby's mama?
"...have Da Baby's baby."
Tip #3 - Really, REALLY emphasize how your light skin makes you superior to darker skinned women, including the baby's mamas of your dude-of-questionable-character - especially on social media!
Just saying, if I don't care about the court of public opinion and won't...like ...need the public on my side at some point in the future - then it makes sense to make A SONG about - oh I don't know...being a "Yellow Bone" which is obviously what he (Da Baby) wants, right?!
What is more, I might even make it known in "closed" circles that I recognize "Black women are jealous of me". So there! Now when I need some good will and good juju on my side when my dude-of-questionable-character makes me look bad in front of everyone, I can certainly ensure that many folks may not give a shit.
Tip #4 - When your dude tries to evict you from his home with your infant child - don't leave...with your dignity...right away anyway.
So finally - under the assumption that you have found yourself in the series of unfortunate events leading to being in a relationship with a dude-of-questionable-character ...and then having his baby...and then living with him with seemingly no other means of immediate support... *sigh* ... anyway, when he tries to put you out of his house with Y'ALLs baby? Find a way to stay there. At least for one more night! That way, you all can have one more conjugal experience and he can really humiliate you the next day by calling you a "certified side bitch."
At the end of the day...
As a female-forward entity, of course The Side Chicks do NOT wish any ill will on DaniLeigh. It seems truly unfortunate for her to be going through this madness at such a vulnerable time in life, when she has an infant, and all she probably wants to do is protect that precious little baby. But there is a lesson in this for all of us. At the risk of sounding reductionist, I'll shout, "Don't play yourself, ladies!"
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